Imagine you inherit a house from your grandparents that have been unused for some time. To put it back into use, some walls have to come down and be rebuilt.
The same happens with our beliefs and internal structures. Sometimes they have to be consciously destroyed, looked at, and discarded. Sometimes we have to turn around and face ourselves, whether consciously or not, and say enough is enough, this no longer makes any sense for me to be or feel! And an amazing internal reconstruction begins, which apparently is dirty, messy, and painful, but deeply is the refresher needed to keep going.
Many depressions are moments of reconstruction like these. Sometimes we resist so much, for so long, to let go of habits, behaviors, outdated beliefs… we don’t look for qualified help, we don’t look at it to the detriment of ourselves and of those who have to put up with us; that when we no longer hold the weight, everything falls down and spreads everywhere, causing a huge noise that everyone can hear.
This recycling is nevertheless healthy and therefore necessary. If we don’t give it the space it needs when it comes, it will come stronger and harder. And this happens to all human beings, most often to those of us who have the best intentions of being the best human possible. Those of us are the ones with the greater tendency to accept and recognize the need for reconstruction.
When we want to be better, our system goes through reconstruction. Because our cultural heritage is not the most compassionate, loving, or respectful, these reconstructions can be, many over the course of our lives, painful and confusing.
One of the beliefs many of us learn is that when someone treats us violently, we should respond equally or worse, to prevent the next one. But this is not true peace. Lately, I’ve been looking at my shadow in this regard and I have realized that when I respond with more war, more war comes. This never ends. There has to be someone who receives without giving back, for the cycle to end. To end this violence where we are all ‘stuck’. And I speak of violence on all levels, whether subtle or explicit. It has to end. If we all don’t respond to the violence of the other, he no longer has anyone to talk to, and silence will bring him what he needs to understand.
My first dark night experience was the worst by far.
All the following ones have been much less intense and of only a few days, because I already recognize what is happening, and understand that although at the moment I am in total darkness, in which nothing good results from what I do or think, I already know that one day I will wake up and have my strengths and solutions improved.
What I have realized is that what hurts is very much related to our ego, to our desires, expectations, dreams, wishes, usually selfish perspectives… the more we rebuild ourselves, the more we realize that tearing down and rebuilding was absolutely necessary. It’s like if we have a Windows 3 program and suddenly realize that in order to use it, we need to update it first to Windows 10.
It is after that we can really see how much we resisted. How many opportunities we had to do differently and didn’t.
If you’re here, you’re on the right path to a better version of yourself.
I know you’re confused@!
I know you don’t understand anything, neither forwards nor backward, you just want it to end!
You don’t see a way out, and you feel afraid.
You have the feeling that no one can understand you, because you don’t understand yourself.
You have extreme thoughts. About suicide sometimes!
We can only improve something if we can see it. And seeing shocks and hurts deeply. That’s why we don’t always look. Because it hurts, and we don’t have time for pain. But one day we can’t procrastinate any longer.
I thank you for your courage. Because one way or another, more or less consciously, you are here, in the same place as me, helping everyone by becoming a better person.
I know it doesn’t feel that way, especially if you’re realizing so many things you’d like to change and have never been able to. So many things you’re not proud of. But trust me, you will come out the other side better if you trust and accept this process. We always want to have everything under control and will be the first to say how to best “build the house”. But sometimes we have to let go of control and trust the “contractor”. He knows what he’s doing. Trust your body. He knows what he has to do to allow your desires to come true. The person that reaches these desires is only some changes away.
What helps you the most, that I can tell you right now, is that instead of having the perspective:
“I am broken, there is something wrong with me”.
Hold tightly the following one:
“this is part of my evolution! I will go through it as best I can, and I will take the best care of myself and my body, food, and energy! I will seek help if I need it, and I will accept that this is a necessary step for my evolution. I accept it and I thank it! Everything is going to be better than it was, even if I don’t understand how right now!”
This changes your position from victim to empowered. You gain control of your mood and even of the process, handing over in trust your transformation to your wonderful body who, although he cannot explain it to you, knows very well what’s happening.
Rest as much as you can, drink a lot of water and eat well (not much, but well). Go for walks in nature, listen to quiet music, meditate, cry and rest again.
I am at your disposal in case you need an extra hand in crossing the dark.
I am grateful for the effort and courage you are making. You have all my admiration, believe me. I know how hard it can be.
Travel light beloved soul.
To read more about my first dark night of the soul, click here on my Facebook page